To remember

I was up nursing Elijah last night and I had one of those rare revelations when you can suddenly see the bigger picture. And I realized in a flash that this moment with him was going to be over and I would never fully remember the exact feeling of his newborn skin or the exact sound of those contented newborn coos. Every seasoned parent tells new parents that they must savor each moment with their children because it is over so quickly, and I've experienced that a little bit with Zachary. It was just yesterday that I was nursing and snuggling him and now he tells me that, "I can't play right now. I have some writing to do." And it's amazing to me how the tough moments with Zach stand out in my mind more than those quiet close moments nursing and rocking him. I suppose it takes holding a baby to remember just how precious they are.

So I'm writing this uncharacteristically sentimental blog to try to capture what no camera and certainly no blog can really capture, and that is the amazing feeling of a baby's weight on your shoulder snuggling his face into your neck or those sweet little alert eyes or the gentle rhythm of their breathing or that feeling of being central and most important in your helpless child's life. Parenting has been the single biggest challenge of my life thus far but last night at least, I saw how quickly it would be done and all the second-guessing and fatigue and lost patience would be over too. I hope that when it's finished I come away with a lasting memory of last night and the many other 'last night' moments that happen each day.